jasonkelly

Memories of Jay-Jay

It's tough to have to say that I have so many memories of my brother, Jason knowing that the memories I have today are all that's left. They mean the world to me but its tough knowing that there won't be new memories of us hanging out together or that my future family won't know him personally. Stories are all that I have but they seem to keep me going. I remember a lot of things about my brother. We are 3 years apart and there were years growing up that I thought he wanted to kill me (like every other older brother when they have younger siblings). We went at it all the time and the teasing seemed to be endless. Somehow throughout the years, we formed the closest bond I could ever imagine. We started to trust each other instead of fighting and telling on each other. He was never over-protective but when he thought I was in trouble...he'd stop at nothing to get me out. It's funny how a lot of the times I look back and smile at the times when he was picking on me. The time he told me to jump out of a tree and that he'd catch me (and I was stupid enough to believe him), or when he almost broke my toe by stomping on it with his cleats (I think I actually may have deserved that one). All the things he used to do to pick on me when I was younger made me so much stronger as I grew. I think the teasing stopped once he knew I got pretty tough (for a girl). He always seemed to be proud of how I turned out to be a strong, independent woman. He knew I could take care of myself and would help me out if I ever needed help. Sometimes I look and think maybe he was preparing me for something to happen. Maybe he knew deep down he was going to die young and knew he had to help me become stronger.

We started hanging out with each other and each other's friends once I was about seventeen years old. He was always a blast to go places with and nothing was ever boring when he was around. Even though he could be extremely shy when first meeting people he usually opened up quite quickly and then would be the loudest person of the group! I remember his smile; it was so big and bright. His laugh used to crack me up just listening to it. His son has his laugh now, and I see that smile from time to time too. We would go out to parties and out friends would always say how much alike we were. Some said we had the same mannerisms, others said we had the same face and facial expressions. I miss those times.

I'm happy to say that the best friend I've ever had was someone I met because of Jason. There was a girl he dated for about a year that I am still extremely close with, her name is Sharalee. Sharalee and I stayed close friends even after they broke up, despite how much it irritated my brother. I'm glad I defied him and stayed close with her, because she has always been there for me, especially when he died.

It's almost as if my brain tries to make me forget the events of that night. I had come home from visiting my dad in Colorado and it was about 10-11 at night. I talked to my mom a little about the trip and wanted to wait up for Jason to come home. We had a lot to talk about since the last time we talked was a week before when we were arguing. I was watching TV when I heard a knock at the front door. I just assumed it was Jay-Jay, and that he was just being lazy. I opened the door and saw 2 police officers. The first thing that came to my mind was "Did I or did Jason do something?" I was so confused. They asked if my mom was home and I said yes and asked them if they wanted to talk to her, they said no...so, I assumed it couldn't be anything THAT bad. I invited them in and sat back down on the couch not really interested in what they might say. Then they asked what relation I was to Jason Cirafisi. I knew this couldn't be a good sign, but I told them I was his sister. Then they hit me with a ton of bricks "Jason was killed in a car accident tonight". I just looked at them. I kept asking "Are you sure?, Are you positive?" My world seemed to stop right then and there, I was the first one and only one at the moment to know...and I had to be the one to tell my mom. I ran upstairs having no idea what I was going to say. Went into my moms' room and told her there was an accident and Jason died. She sat up like I had just told her some horrible joke. We both went downstairs so she could talk to the officers and our worst fears were confirmed.............. Jason wasn't going to be coming home. I completely broke down. I had to call my dad, Mom had to call my grandparents, and after that, I called Sharalee. She was confused at first but then came right over, we had been friends for 7 years at that point and she knew how much I loved my brother. My mother and I didn't eat or sleep for days, we went through the motions of the funeral , obituary, picking the casket, the lot and deciding what flowers to get for his grave. It's something no one should have to do so young. I never imagined I would one day become an "only child", but that's what happened the night he died. There won't be an uncle to play with my children, or someone I can go visit and depend on to always be there...I had a brother in my heart, but not physically.

Today, I think about him all the time. Wondering what could have been. What he'd be doing right now, how much fun we'd have, and actually seeing him with the son he loved so much. I miss him so much and nothing can bring him back.

~You will live on in my heart forever Jay-Jay, Miss you tons!~